There must be time to let go

STEAMING IT OFF

WHAT is it with ex-lovers who do not want to let go?

Ok, I know that those feelings you two shared do not just disappear — especially if you had some sort of an intimate relationship.

There is a Sesotho saying which, when translated, means that feelings — strong ones at that — do not just die when a relationship ends.

Yes, sometimes when a relationship ends, one party is not satisfied with the conclusion and they end up wanting to keep holding on.

Sometimes one only realises the importance of the relationship when it is actually over.

I am sure you have heard them say “you don’t miss a good thing until it is gone.”

This holding on and missing the gone good thing can be a pain in the heart for the one person who needs to move on with life.

You will find that a guy knew his ex’s every whim and knew how to fulfill those perfectly.

When the relationship ends (whoever’s fault it may be) the guy holds on to this woman by just hanging around in her life to fulfill these whims and needs, yet moving on with his life.

This ends up complicating lives, especially of the hapless female who cannot see that she is just being trapped.

And believe me, this actually happens to both males and females.

Exes can be so manipulative and selfish at times.

There is this guy I know, who had to take quite an extreme measure to keep his ex at bay.

The lady was becoming what they call a stalker.

This woman was literally obsessed with the bloke!

You see, in the beginning, the relationship was one of those we all knew about.

They were the Ken and Barbie of our little village, and if the truth be told, they looked good together.

We all thought they would walk up the aisle one day.

Alas, even good things do come to an end, as did the Ken and Barbie fairytale!

As it turned out, it was Barbie’s fault. Apparently she had gone through an episode in her life where she just could not keep her pants on.

Poor Ken found out, reproached her and even forgave her, not once!

Nevertheless, she persisted.

Sadly Ken had to let her go, even though it broke his heart.

Barbie went on a rampage, becoming what I can call a serial dater, which did not help her image in our eyes and even in Ken’s eyes.

When she finally ran out of steam, she started calling and texting Ken.

In these messages she pleaded for forgiveness and another chance.

Unfortunately the man had moved on, but he agreed to meet with her, but he promptly regretted inviting her to his house.

When Barbie realised her plans had not worked and that her overtures did not yield the desired results, she became brazen and menacing.

This was rather freaky and scary for everyone because she came to his house at the oddest hours and even started threatening his family, friends and neighbours, including potential suitors for Ken.

This led him to taking out a restraining order against her — which she has defied countless times.

There are many Barbies in this world and many have done terrible things that cannot even be mentioned in these pages in their bid to get back what they lost.

I am sure we have all heard of deaths at the hands of exes.

One guy killed his ex-girlfriend uttering the famous words “If I can’t have you, no one will”, so I was told.

Then the idiot chickened out of putting a bullet through his own empty head.

Another of these sick cases is a guy who actually paid an HIV positive guy to go rape his ex-girlfriend, after she refused to take him back because he could not seem to keep out from between other women’s thighs.

Both these guys should have been sentenced to death — even though I think that it is a really mild sentence.

Stupid okes!

I am no relationship expert as you all know, but I think I have witnessed enough unbecoming behaviour by exes that has often left me stumped.

I know that people break up and make up but it is only sensible to respect the wishes of the ex-partner if they decide to move on.

I do not think it is wise to become a menace to your ex, really.

If you start going around threatening this person’s life (and of those around), what chance do you have of making up?

In fact the ex-partner will come to realise that these are your true colours and leave you for good!

I think one of the best things about an “over” relationship is when you can still talk decently with your ex.

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