Who said wealth is defined by big gut?

Whoa! Am I the only one who is noticing this very disturbing “trend” that is sweeping like a wild fire among the male species of my generation, especially those I can safely call my peers?

I call it “the amazing phenomenon of the protruding gut”!

Before I start my usual whining and wheezing, let me try and explain what I mean.

For the past few years, there seems to have been some secret seminars, held in some secret location where guys around my age and younger discussed the subject of wealth.

Unfortunately for my brothers here, they kind of got side-tracked — when they should have been discussing how to accrue wealth and keep it, they talked about “how should a wealthy young man look”!

Eish, they got some really bad advice!

I think the presentation that really captured their hearts and minds must have been titled “Grow your gut in proportion with your pocket”!

The dude who was giving the presentation must have been very convincing because I am sure you too have noticed the growing number of bellies in and around here.

Granted, there are pieces of clothing that hot girls wear in summer called “stomach out”.

Please note the italicised words.

This is just to warn the brothers that if you have decided to have a major gut, dress for it; please make sure your T-shirt covers every part of you.

Dude, even guys with six packs do not go around with them peeping out like a shy child behind his mom’s skirt!

Still on clothes size, it is quite disturbing when I see a shirt straining to contain a gut; with the buttons holding on to dear life, afraid that should there be any sudden movements, they will find themselves wheezing around the room like stray
bullets!

Sticking on to the topic of size, have you not heard my brother? The bigger your gut, the smaller your best friend?

How do you plan on pleasing the missus then?

Yeah, your full pockets will make sure she is still quite near but believe me, your appearance is not going to guarantee that she makes you her number one!

And can somebody please tell me why “gentlemen” with pot-bellies think they are HOT!?

I have had a few encounters with such creatures who believe the jumping castles they are carrying are babe magnets!

Look, if she is really hot, and can have any other guy, but she is with you, yet you look like the famous tyre mascot; I think it might be safe to say the platinum credit card saved your hide — unless well, love is blind!

Bona, maybe I am misinformed, and the stomachs are just beer bellies gone awry, it is just that even the thinnest of the dudes I knew back then now spots a silly little bump.

And since I always want to understand changes, when I eventually ask, I usually get the reply that “good life” is now the way to go.

Well, I won’t lie, some usually blame their wives, saying that they now get three meals a day, unlike when they were bachelors; the weird thing is I happen to be asking the question at venues that I still hung out with them when they had no
wives.

Oh just for good measure, I will go back to the topic of size!

My brothers, since you insist that your guts are a show of your wealth, I do get it that you would want to buy the most expensive ride!

But come on; there are very beautiful expensive cars out there that are big enough to carry you.

Please resist from getting yourself those nippy sports cars that cost fortunes.

It is very disturbing and I can highlight the word disgusting seeing an elephant trying to crawl out of a mini clown car!

I really want to have a word with the guy who was doing the aforementioned presentation at the secret wealth seminars (I hear he has a six-pack and rides in a 4×4).

I am going to sue him on behalf of my brothers; especially because some are going to kick the bucket soon!

Yes, I said it. It is true, all that fat is going to clog your arteries, so please hit the gym, or you can help me look for the dude, running around like that will help wring a bit of the mass off.

Look, you may think I am just running my mouth, talking nonsense, and I know some of you will say it is because I do not have a cent to my name!

So what?

Anyway, I dare you to prove me wrong. Show me the relevance of weight in proportion with the number of zeroes in your bank account.

Show me where it says affluence should be proved by gut size!

Better yet, please show me candidates on the Forbes List Of Richest Men who started growing their mk’habas as their empires grew in leaps and bounds!

Show me and I will shut up!

Oh, and for all you wondering — yep I have a GUT!

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