SEXUALITY is a fascinating and extremely complex subject.
This article will not seek to pass judgment on anyone’s sexual behaviour.
I was inspired to write on the subject after reading the thoughts of Felix Okoye SAC on the subject of self-discipline.
His main thesis is that “sex is one of the greatest means of expressing love, but only in the sacred environment called marriage”.
This is his main argument on the issue of self-discipline, which some people may consider to be sexual maturity.
In our society today, everything has been reduced to sex.
Watch television advertisements you will see almost naked people advertising some products.
The use of words when we communicate can also be endowed with sexual significances.
In short, almost everything in our society has sexual connotations.
Of late people can no longer even differentiate between love and lust, and love and sex.
So the question we have to ask ourselves is: What is sex?
Some people have erroneously defined and described sex as making love.
Some others say that it is having “ecstasy”.
But one thing is clear: sex is not making love because it can be engaged both in love and in hate.
In fact, the worst form of hate is sexual intercourse between partners merely to satisfy their sexual urge, let alone rape.
Can we call that love?
Not at all!
Love does not destroy.
Rather it builds up its participants.
It develops them and promotes them.
Some people say that love is blind.
Love is not blind; it is light and it is a gift which only God can give.
Sex is one of the greatest means of expressing love, but only in the sacred environment called marriage.
However, I am not at all saying that sex is not good.
All that God created is good, philosophers of metaphysics will agree with me.
What I am saying is that it has its proper environment.
Once it is removed from this environment, its true function is totally broken, it ceases to be a sacred thing and instead it becomes the most dangerous thing one can think of.
Sex is good and its environment is marriage and marriage alone. Sex of course will never be only ecstasy.
Sex goes with responsibility; it consumes time and does not end after the act.
It is not only psychological.
It also demands a lot of energy.
Most importantly, we must remember that despite the advancement of science, sex outside of marriage often leads to unwanted pregnancy, low self-esteem and it spawns single-parent families, let alone the feared disease Aids.
I am concerned about this issue because it has ruined the careers and vocation of many.
It has cut short the ambitions of many.
Today, pretty, which in its essence should be an asset, has turned out to be liability.
For many women their beauty has become their greatest handicap.
This is a result of their self-recognition of “superficial love”.
The question remains; is there any way of salvaging this ugly scenario?
Should we fold our hands and hope that marriage will save us from this aberration?
That is absolutely not true, if this infirmity is living in us; surely the future is at stake.
The important thing here is that we need to stand up now to develop good sex habits, otherwise we are just wasting our time.
Now somebody may ask: is it not God who gave us these feelings?
Obviously, God gave us feelings, but we are entirely responsible for whatever we do with these feelings.
They are there always, whether married or not, religious or secular, young or old.
As I have said earlier, self-discipline, which results in good sexual habits, is what stops and saves us from promiscuity.
Believe it or not, it is practicably true.
And the best way is to develop habits which will help in resisting temptations to do the opposite.
Many can agree with me that this way of life can only be acquired through personal effort and conviction.
Perhaps this habit, once developed, remains with you whether you are married, ordained or not.
Good sexual habits that are built on sound discipline would definitely help married couples to respect each other and so use their time effectively and fruitfully.
Then the righteousness which all of us struggle for by being responsible will breathe in our hearts the sincerity to serve God and his/her people with all our might.
There is a maxim that “women of genius are admired, women of wealth are envied, women of power are feared, but only women of character are trusted.”