Home Scrutator The January Disease is here

The January Disease is here

by Lesotho Times
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There is a new bug infecting people in town.
The ailment is known as the “January Disease” and it is caused by a virus called “reckless spending”.
Doctors have recently discovered that another virus called “foolishness” also causes this disease.
Surprisingly the disease is affecting only those people who have made it a habit that every Christmas they throw money around like confetti at a wedding.
If you have the habit of squandering your Maloti sooner than they are printed by Dr Moeketsi Senaoana then you will surely catch the bug very soon.
For those that have not been infected by the virus yet, it is important to know the symptoms of this terrible disease. 
Infected people become moody and extremely irritable within the first 24 hours of catching the virus.
Within five days they start talking to themselves the way mad people do.
Then after a week or so they start moving sofas and beds in their houses looking for miserly coins just to raise enough taxi fare to work.
If not treated after this phase the sufferer will feel an irresistible urge to borrow.
To coax friends and relatives to give them money they normally lie that their children are on the verge of starvation or are about to be booted out of school.
They become damn liars too.
If the sufferer does not get help from the immediate family they will start embarrassing themselves by calling distant relatives asking for help.
The further within the family circle they move the higher the chances that they will have to cook up a damn good lie just to get a few coins to get by.
When all fails they start selling things from their homes.
Cell phones are normally the first to go.
Another very clear symptom is that the sufferer normally starts behaving like they are a really close relative to those they are targeting to borrow.
You probably have received a strange call from an uncle you last met when you could barely put on your pants without leaning against the wall.
You probably have also heard from an aunt whose existence you have only gathered from the family grape vine.
It’s amazing how the January Disease can “reunite” families and friends. 
Can you imagine that I am getting calls from boyfriends I dumped eons ago.
Even friends who disappeared decades ago have sent me “call me back” messages because they ruined their bank accounts during the frenzy of the festive season.
Doctors are yet to find a cure for the January Disease but in the meantime unaffected people can help reduce the spread of the virus by telling the sufferers to go hang.
Yes, you can help by telling the sufferer that you were not there when they were spending money like there is no tomorrow.
Tell them even during the days of Moses when free Manna fell from heaven money never grew on trees.
When you are finished telling them this please remember to give them a small packet of meali-meal and M10 for moroho before sending them packing.
It’s important that they leave your house with something in their hands lest they spread the malicious rumour that you left their children starving when you were throwing away food.
But once you have done this they will know how to prevent the disease next time the festive season comes.
This message is brought to you as part of Scrutator’s 2010 Community Service Project.

On another note, word has reached Scrutator that some of the people who won last year’s Mediocrity Awards are seething with anger.
Some are crying crimson tears.
Some are threatening to sue Scrutator to her underwear. 
Well, Scrutator has news for the grumpy winners.
Those awards are yours to keep guys and no amount of screaming and kicking will change that decision.
Surely Scrutator cannot understand why anyone could be annoyed by winning an award for excelling in some field.
Those who got the awards must at least be happy that they were voted to have done something very well last year.
Of course when it came to mediocrity they were the queens and kings.
Winning such tightly contested awards should in fact make them proud.
NMDS, Whitehorse, Adelani Ogunrinade and Lefa should be grateful for having their achievements recognised.
They must not deny themselves this honour because they have worked hard to be where they are. 
But if they really think that they have been unfairly awarded these prizes then they can write to the Ombudsman — that man who is paid to fight on behalf of others.    

And Scrutator was in Luanda for the official opening of the Nations Cup despite the fact that Lesotho is never interested in being represented at this glamorous tournament.
But Scrutator was forced to make a hasty retreat to the peaceful Mountain Kingdom when news broke out that some baldheads in the Angolan enclave of Cabinda were on the rampage shooting at anything in site including buses full of football players.
Whatever the explanation Scrutator believes these bandits had no right to spoil such an important occasion as the Africa Cup of Nations.
The Angolan government should hunt down the culprits responsible for the deadly attack on Togo’s football team and bring them to book.
It’s very disheartening that two members of the Togolese football team’s entourage were killed in this senseless attack in Cabinda last Friday.
A spokesman of the so-called Front for the Liberation of the Enclave of Cabinda even had the nerve to claim that the attack was directed against Angolan forces and that Togolese team members were caught in the crossfire.
That’s a heap of cow dung!
Why would they think that Angolan soldiers were using a Togolese team bus?
These wretched bandits actually claim to be fighting for independence from Angola and they have been up to this nonsense for more than three decades now.
Scrutator thinks it’s high time somebody stopped them in the same way Jonas Savimbi and his Unita were stopped.
President Jose Eduardo dos Santos should keep his promise and chase those crazy baldheads out of town.

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