Home Scrutator Somebody find me a zipper

Somebody find me a zipper

by Lesotho Times
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SCRUTATOR is inviting sealed tenders from companies that can manufacture a mouth zip.

I want the zip for that blabbermouth of a sister from one opposition party.

Bidders must be able to make a yellow zip so that it matches with the sister’s political party regalia.

The zip must be remote-controlled so that her party leaders can just fasten up her pout when she starts waffling endlessly like she normally does.

Ability to make a lockable zip is an added advantage because we are talking about a garrulous chatterer here.

Also bidders must be able to make a durable zip that can withstand the pressure that comes from the motormouth’s lips.

Scrutator has just had enough of this celebrated bootlicker.

This sister, who does not seem to have a proper day’s job, has now perfected the art of whingeing on behalf of her bosses.

She can even go berserk if a fly lands on her dear leader’s back.

If it’s not about her boss being misquoted then it’s about how he has been misinterpreted. 

Or she is harassing journalists for their birth certificates so that they can be allowed to cover the party’s rallies.

She cries crimson tears every time her dear leader is criticised.

Scrutator is dead sure that by now she has spent a fortune on bleach to clean shoe polish from her mouth and nose after so much bootlicking.

I am sure that even her leaders are now embarrassed by her overzealous bootlicking antics.

I mean there comes a time when bootlickers become a real bother.

When their tongues get to uncomfortable depths.

And when that happens, a leader must be firm enough to tell the poor bootlicker that their shoes cannot withstand anymore saliva.

Perhaps it’s time her leaders told her their worn-out shoes have had enough of the huge dosage of her saliva.

Surely, how can their shoes last a day longer if they are always in a dam of this woman’s spit?


I thought socialism had died with the collapse of the Soviet Union in the early 1990s.

I am shocked that the discredited and worn-out ideology seems to be alive and kicking in Venezuela.

I am surprised that there are people who still cling to that discredited ideology.

This week Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez, a dinosaur from the socialist past, was behaving like a bull in a china shop.

Chavez revoked the broadcasting licences of 13 radio stations in what was said to be the most calculated assault on Venezuelans’ constitutional liberties.

The closure of the radio stations follows a recent passing of a law that makes provisions to jail journalists who “harm the interests of the state”, “cause panic” or “disturb social peace”.

Now, juxtapose this sad development with what a colleague from that weekly said in his rambling article titled “Media, government and media policy”.

Frankly speaking, I could neither make head or tail of what the barrister was up to last week.

I think the article was a sheer abuse of the reader.

Why should I fork out M12 to buy trash where journalists spend acres of space talking about themselves?

“I was bred and raised by parents who placed a high premium on education and so ensured that, together with my brothers and sisters, we got the best education their money could buy,” wrote the debt-ridden barrister. What hogwash!

If we also start talking about what our parents did, does that deepen the level of debate in the media?

“I don’t take instructions. I argue and postulate positions because I would otherwise suffocate if I was simply to implement uncritically what some earthly master deems appropriate or inappropriate,” he added.

Scrutator does not think the barrister needs to remind anyone that he is hostile to taking instructions.

Otherwise if he did, I doubt he would have run away from his journalism cadetship.

And those properly brought up and schooled don’t borrow from a poor club and flee without paying back a single cent.


Scrutator this week finally laid her hands on that mouthpiece that emerges on the market whenever they have enough stories to mess up.

The tabloid’s lead story headlined “Stayaway flops” was quite ironical.

Here was the paper telling us workers had ignored the call by the opposition to stay at home when, in fact, its own sub-editors had obliged.

Thanks to the subs staying away from work, we now know that those who lend money are called “landers”.

To emphasise that the new noun was not a typo, it was used three times!

Just flipping the page landed Scrutator’s peripatetic eye on another novelty: “US woman eats baby: turn knife on herself”.

But that headline of course had serious competition from that other newbie — well, not really new but dead-alive-dying tabloid.

It told us about “diamond infected fields”.

This week I leave you with bonus tracks from the “boob files”.

“With President Obama now fully implanted in the White House, the African-American dream has come true,” wrote a certain periodical.


“Besides, related problems such as the child’s right to prepare for a sick mother’s death and mourn her passing, are all too often overlooked in the cruel haste with which children are kicked out of the home by greedy and uncaring relatives.”

How resourceful a transformation centre can be!



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