Single ladies in the house

Steaming It Off

LAST week I brought up the thousand-kilometre journey of single women.

Okay, I only mentioned that some women are really single for some reasons that are entirely men’s faults (well, I think). LOL!

If you do not know what I’m going on about, I suggest you hunt and thoroughly examine last week’s “Steamin’ Off”.

But since I am not such a bad person, let me just jog your memory a bit.

We were holding a touchy subject of the “she-men, in their pink finery yet all so straight”.

Jo! 

By the way, I want at this moment to clear the air that this is not disrespect to all my beautiful gay people.

Back to the subject at hand — single ladies in the house.

My girl, Bo (nicknamed thus because of her fine behind and body), has been single for years.

To quote her: “I’m so single it’s sore.”

Before all you haters start thinking up theories on why she is single, let me tell you what she says which corresponds with what is said by other single fine women.

By the way, these points are supported by some hooked — married or otherwise — women.

The obvious first point is a reference to last week’s topic: dude, why should we compete for the mirror and fine silky things?

You have to remember we are the so-called fairer sex. So please leave our clothes and make-up and be the man!

Obsessive and possessive behaviour is seriously NOT appealing.

Baby, I am just going to the bathroom. I am coming back.

You cannot give me a time limit on how long I can take.

I am old enough to be out — with you for that matter.

So why are you trying to be my father and set me a curfew?

Another thing, those are my friends; they were here before you and by the look of things you might leave them here.

There’s an e-mail that has the subject line “Why women stay single”.

These are major reasons really and — coupled with lack of creativity and bad health — that is really bad.

For those of you who have not seen this e-mail, holler at your girl and I will definitely hook you — this is a family newspaper and I am not allowed to discuss such things on this page!

But let me just say this: most normal women want your theme song to include words like “freak” (synonyms allowed). Believe me you have a vast choice of tracks.

It is not that I want to get rich off you but, hey, treat me and treat me right.

Eseng makoenya kapa a plastic rose!

Another thing, call me a gold-digger — you will need dentures soon!

Let me just list some of these disturbing facts that lead to the phenomenon of women being single, yet we outnumber the men by some real big margin:

l do not snore — women are sensitive  sleepers;

l be clean; and

l other male mechanics that just turn women off!

Ladies, I am sure you will agree with me that it seems that all the fine men seem to be taken.

Well, I guess that is why some of our really desperate sisters take drastic measures to get a fine specimen.

For instance, fight, backstab and so on.

Some even attempt murder (of self and others)!

Guys how do you make us so self-destructive?

My girl Bo has a brilliant idea on how we can overcome this monster of singledom!

And since women are really not selfish, this will benefit even our brothers who find themselves “so single it’s sore”.

She says we should petition our Majesties, the King and Queen, to declare a day for singles.

On this day all single people who are looking for lifelong partners should meet and ho iketoe!

The logistics of this day can be detailed and made so that it is a clean day that promotes the one-partner mentality and it could forge real relationships and even reduce issues like the HIV infection rate, street and abandoned kids as well as divorce.

Come on, let’s all join hands to make other people happy too!

See me about the petition and other suggestions for the day.

We can start with the name. I like “SINGLE’S DAY”. What do you think?

But you know, seriously, men cannot be entirely blamed for not choosing us sometimes.

Eish, some of us are just so wrong!

What is with those silly track pants with writing on the behinds? Those are vile, no matter how hot you are!

Then, there are those silly pantyhose-looking thingies — I think those were really meant for us fatsos!

I got a load more on why men are single, but maybe you will give me more!

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