Hey JZ, I know it’s you!

WHILE growing up in the village in Qacha’s Nek we used to play a game called “snakes and ladders”.

It was a wonderful way to while up time away from our domestic chores.

Scrutator was reminded of this game after she read what must qualify as the most atrocious editorial one can ever find in a newspaper.

For a change though, it had a brilliant headline titled “Zuma cannot be our Messiah”.

“What does a man do when a snake enters his house? Does he go out into the forest to hunt for another snake and kill it? No. He kills the snake in his house,” gushed the editorial as if it was about to say something sensible.

Who was the snake that that the writer of that awful editorial was referring to?

Was this in any way connected to Msholozi who had just arrived in the country?

The editorial said “the country (or the capital Maseru, to be precise) has, in recent weeks, been abuzz with South African president Jacob Zuma’s visit to Lesotho”.

“People have been expressing hopes that Zuma will address this and that problem,” the editorial moaned.

Apart from the shocking syntax Scrutator cannot understand why this dreadful editorial was allowed to slither into the paper.

Is the editor on hopose again?

Does the writer really have that grey matter between the ears?

We should all hang our heads in shame when journalists even from a rival stable conspire to embarrass the profession especially when we have “esteemed” visitors in the country.

The level of reasoning in that editorial was as shocking as it was shallow.

It might please the writer and the editor of that paper to know that after reading that comment Scrutator headed for the nearest bar and drowned her sorrows with 10 tequila shots.

 Scrutator doesn’t speak in vain and there is ample evidence to prove it.

Ask those garrulous LCD youths who went berserk when she warned them about the perils of bootlicking.

Well, their pamphlet is now “voiceless”.

When Scrutator warned a rotund scribe about poking his calloused fingers into her eyes, he went hysterical.

A few weeks later he was off-loaded. 

And when Scrutator told an excitable LCD columnist with a local paper that his bootlicking antics would not get him anywhere, he went ballistic.

A few weeks later he was in court answering charges of robbery.

Scrutator also warned a certain pseudo-barrister who had gatecrashed into the media industry to desist from stroking his bloated ego.

He protested but a few weeks later he was jobless, roaming the streets of Maseru in his worn-out Grasshopper shoes.

And when he went to work for a certain website Scrutator again dutifully whispered words of advice to him but, as usual, the pseudo-barrister kept his tail up.

A few weeks later the website crashed and its efforts to mutate into a broadsheet hit a brick wall, leaving him high and dry.

The list get longer.

By the way, it’s not like I enjoy people’s misery.

Many moons ago Scrutator warned Lefa’s acting chief executive officer, Mokhosi Mohapi, to stop behaving like Lesotho’s football belongs to him.

Scrutator was irked that Mohapi had the audacity to ban Lefa from speaking to the Lesotho Times and the Sunday Express.

Instead of taking Scrutator’s wise words the long-acting CEO hit the roof and accused me of getting too big for my boots.

Well, it might please you to know that Scrutator’s words of advice to Mohapi have not ended in vain.

He was suspended on Monday for allegedly attending a Confederation of African Football meeting in Egypt in June without Lefa’s approval.

Has he met his comeuppance?

Scrutator wishes Mohapi all the best when he appears before a disciplinary hearing set for today.

You can only ignore Scrutator’s words at you own peril.

Rantelali Shea, that loose cannon who is an ABC MP, would better be warned that the train is coming.

Shea is the only person that Scrutator really dislikes on this earth.

The grudge started when Shea demanded that a reporter be thrown out of parliament for writing that MPs were going to get their gratuities early.

 Girl you ain’t seen the helter-skelter that was Maseru’s “available club” when the big man visited the kingdom last week.

Even seekers past their sell-by date tried to hassle for vantage positions hoping to catch the peripatetic eye of the first citizen whose bedroom antics have constantly piqued monogamists and single-partner activists.

One friend of Scrutator’s was convinced he could have been on the prowl for a Mosotho edition because “he would not have travelled with nkhono”!

Get it?

In the meantime, the following was supposedly plucked from an “agony aunt” page:

Dear Sis Dolly,

I am a very charming man in his late 60s and married with three wives and 20 kids.

My recent child is from a relationship with a 39-year-old super-hot and gorgeous woman.

We are very compatible and I think she is the “special one” but there is one challenge — she happens to be a daughter of a friend of mine but I would like to wed her too.

However, I don’t want to be the cause of any beef between me and my friend.

Please help.

Anonymous.  

Sis Dolly responds: Hey wena JZ, I know it’s you!

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