Compatriots, my sincere apologies

Nothing could have prepared Scrutator for the fury that her article on the National University of Lesotho (NUL) triggered last week.

She was pilloried for calling NUL a “glorified high school”.

Livid current and former students blasted her for being jealous allegedly because she has not been to their university.

Scrutator is an unpatriotic pervert, said one former student who was froathing at the mouth with rage.

Scrutator is a bitter woman who has taken to criticising everything because she doesn’t have a man in her life, said another angry reader who seemed to believe that there is a relationship between Scrutator’s candid comments and her bedroom issues.

“Can’t you be constructive for once in your life time? Jealousy will kill you,” the reader screamed.

So for the sake of peace Scrutator would like to sincerely apologise to all former and current students of NUL for describing their beloved university as a “glorified high school”.

Her sincere apologies are also extended to the nation at large.

To remedy the damage that she might have caused to the integrity of the university, Scrutator would like to suggest a better description for NUL.

From now onwards NUL is not a “glorified high school” but a bonafide high school masquerading as a university.

Notice the difference: A university that is a “glorified high school” is one that produces graduates whose standard is a bit higher than that of matric students.

A high school masquerading as a university is a high school that pretends to the world that it is offering university degrees when it is actually dishing out post-matric certificates.

When you measure the acumen and competence of its graduates you will find that there is not much that differentiates them from matric students.

A high school masquerading as a university produces neither thinkers nor capable people.

The so called graduates are inimical to criticism because they have been taught that by merely making it to the university they have “arrived”.

So for such graduates a degree becomes a means to an end.

Its graduates believe they are entitled to jobs and fat salaries simply because they are holding a varsity qualification.

Scrutator has rubbed shoulders with so many of these graduates with a nauseating sense of entitlement.

Take, for instances, the pathetic accountants that NUL has been offloading on to the job market lately.

They go for job interviews clutching their accounting degrees but when you ask them to execute a basic accounting exercise they go blank.

Give them Pastel and you will be shocked by the tosh they will produce.

These pretenders call themselves accountants but then they can’t even carry out a simple bank reconciliation.

Simple petty cash reconciliation gives them nightmares.

Law graduates from NUL make good criminal lawyers but most know zilch about human rights and commercial law. 

Because a university is measured by the quality of graduates it produces Scrutator would like to bring you the works of a former NUL student who graduated with a degree in politics and administration not so long ago.

His name is Theko Tlebere, the editor of the The Silo, a paper whose English syntax is so mutilated that it reads like anything but the queen’s language. 

The article had neither cohesion nor logic.

“Why is everything political?” was the headline of Tlebere’s article that left Scrutator reeling with confusion and wondering if the poor fellow ever set foot at a university.

“The only reason I studied Political Science at school (NUL) was because as far as I am consent it is the cause that enable one to understand why certain things are happening in governance,” wrote the clueless NUL graduate. 

By the way “consent” and “concerned” are two different words with different meanings.

They are not interchangeable.

“But for a very long time our country Lesotho has been encapsulated with people who fear politics than politics should fear them, what I am trying to bring home is that almost everything happens in Lesotho today is regarded by authorities as Political,” he waxed on.

You will have to toss a coin to make head and tail of that sentence.

He added: “I live in Lesotho yes, but I have listened and read a lot about other African countries, let me say recently I attended a funeral of one the Lesotho Liberation Army veterans.”

Dear reader at this juncture it is crucial that you put on your helmet for we are just about to enter the hard-hat area of Tlebere’s article. 

“Is said it all goes with us all understanding and drawing a line of demarcation on whether a matter is political or not.”

The NUL graduate then proceeds to give some awkward definition of politics before he goes back to his gibberish.

“From this definition alone we should be able to undertake an illusion because indeed politics are everywhere.”

From there until the end of the shallow article Tlebere jumps from one issue to the other like a cat on a hot plate.

In the end the reader is left more confused than educated.

Surely Tlebere’s lecturers at NUL must have taught him that an argument must be coherent and logical for the reader to comprehend it.

But Scrutator is not surprised by the shoddiness of the graduate’s work.

If anything, it merely buttresses her argument that NUL is producing semi-literate graduates whose ability to understand even the most basic of things is way below par.

With graduates like Tlebere who will raise a finger if Scrutator declares NUL a high school masquerading as a university.

When the Millennium Challenge Account (MCA) gave Lesotho US$362 million to modernise its infrastructure and laws Scrutator was thrilled beyond measure.

Soon contractors were busy in our villages putting tarred roads and laying the pipes for a modern sewerage system.

The pit latrines are on their way out, Scrutator thought.

There was every reason for her to be jubilant.

After all, the time of “squatting” to do the do was about to be over.

The days of long walks to the toilets were numbered, Scrutator presumed.

Who doesn’t want the comfort of getting out of their bed and staggering to the bathroom without the fear of being mugged? That cheerfulness ended abruptly last week when a water crisis hit Maseru and other districts.

When it took Wasco more than seven days to sort out the mess Scrutator started wondering whether it was a good idea to celebrate the demise of our beloved pit latrines in the first place.

What would have happened if all of us had toilets in our homes and the national water system broke down like that?

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know that there would have been pandemonium in Maseru.

You don’t need to be a sorcerer with potent powers to know that Wasco will take months to sort out the mess.

Scrutator suggests that because Wasco is yet to achieve a competence level required to run a national water supply system perhaps it would be better to put in the new sewerage system but keep our latrines running in case of emergency.

We need a plan B just in case Wasco goes to sleep like it did last week.

 

Scrutator’s Inbox

Dear Scrutator: I am not quite sure if I understand quite well the meaning of this article but from what little I can grasp it seems the author is bitter about NUL customers (Students) and employees (Teachers). I wonder if ever she/he has been to this institution. I know that there are some people who can just be bitter because they have never tasted how it is to be at NUL. For your information’s sake NUL is another home, it’s so nice. It’s just that there is political infighting now but it’s so academically and socially interesting. But I don’t want to entertain your lengthy discussions. Please Scrutator, don’t respond. Peace! — ‘NyaneNUL.

 Scrutator’s Response:

Your wish is my command. It is however important to keep revising your Standard 7 comprehension notes.

Dear Scrutator: You are boring. — Casanova.

 

 Dear Scrutator: Tell them Scrutator. — Maruapula.

 

 Dear Scrutator: Can’t you be constructive for once in your life time? Jealous will kill you. That professor (Siverts) according to you must be mad. There are so many universities in the world, why should she accept to lead a high school? I think you are mad. The whole country has problems and most of them are caused by your Lesotho Congress for Democracy leadership. NUL is run from a government subvention. The government has a say on who has to be a vice-chancellor. I do not understand how you came to conclude that NUL is a high school. Do you have a man? I mean a boyfriend. I can help you. A woman abstaining too long from bedroom activities talks just like you. — Batho.

 Scrutator’s Response: Batho you forgot to leave your contact details for Scrutator to exercise her options.

Dear Scrutator: Tell her Batho…you have discovered her needs. — Skull Verssetti (The Well Informed).

 

Dear Scrutator: You are one self-hating Mosotho I must say. How you even managed to get a column in a national newspaper still beats me. — Ayoba.

Scrutator’s Response: The editors thought I was better than NUL graduates like you.

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