Get your grubby hands off my body

Lesotho Times
7 Min Read

FOR the past two months or so, not a single day has gone by without me hearing the word ‘tattoo’.  It can be just that word, sometimes in a conversation or just a short sentence in passing.

I usually smile, say thank you at the short sentences and put in my two cents worth in the conversation. Hey, I like the attention it is getting!

Face it, as much as this tattoo is for me, to quite a big extent it is for you too — you, the person who sees it — so that you can say something about it either to me, to a friend or to yourself.  

That is why, you (the canvas) should choose a nice, actually the word is interesting, design. You really do not want people checking out your inking(s), grimacing or even shaking their heads in either disgust, pity or some other negative emotion.  

So, take my advice, get yourself a good artist, a qualified one; one who knows what s/he is doing!

On that note, personally, I would never, get one of those sexy hidden tattoos. I will not lie, the notion is really intriguing, hot, and makes the mind and blood run.

I have major issues that just make me overlook those exciting thoughts of having one tucked away somewhere dark and naughty. Please note, I am against them on me, not on other people, especially on a nice piece of eye-candy!

My first concern is what the tattoo artist goes through — the things s/he has to see and sometimes touch Shame!

Picture this, a guy getting Pinochio’s face inked on his crotch! We all know where, actually what, the nose is going to be.

The poor artist just has to be content with the fact that at least he is getting paid for moving about those wiggly bits, and even holding them in one hand, while poking them — repeatedly- with a needle, so fast, sometimes it feels like barbed wire, with the other. Ouch!

And in my defence, the only stranger really allowed to see (or maybe even) touch my bits, is a gynaecologist and I am still not so comfortable with that. (Hey, if we have had a conversation, and it turns to be fun and games after, we are not strangers – so that does not count then.) LOL

My second issue against an intimately placed ‘tat’ links to the sentence above. The one fastest way of getting yourself into serious trouble is two people finding out they both have an elaborate knowledge of your said intimate body art.

A conversation is going on about this and that, at some point it gets into different designs of tattoos.

One person comes up and describes, in detail, one fascinating motif s/he once saw; then you all hear “…hey, I’ve seen one like that too…!”

Heavy silence will surely follow, then an animated discussion will certainly ensue. Just be sure when that conversation finally comes to a close, you, the person who’s tattoo was the topic, is in a big, deep hole of trouble somehow!

But, you can get out of it  if you know why you had it drawn there in the first place, though che, importantly you will have to have an explanation of how these two got to know it.

On that note, it is important to really know why you are getting a tattoo in the first place. If your reason is ‘everybody’s getting one’ then I suggest you save that money for something important that might come up later.

Engraving something that will be on you the rest of your life, just because of peer pressure is the stupidest thing you can ever do, just as a girl who falls pregnant to try to change her philandering man — hardly ends well.

When you decide to commit to getting a permanent mark like that, make sure you know what you are doing unless, well you have bundles of money for removals.

So be careful about your choices, even your selection of design is crucial. Really, if you decide to get one just to say you have one, that is lame!

Some people get them to commemorate something or someone important in their lives; to honour something they hold dear. The idea is to get a design that you like and makes sense to you.This is why carving the name of your current flame is not the brightest of ideas. Relationships hardly have any guarantees.

Imagine getting the name of your current beau only for the liaison to end (sometimes disastrously); what are you going to do? Again, unless you have loads of cash, such names are really a no-no!

As much as removals and or cover-ups of cock-ups are expensive, they are really painful too. Getting a tattoo is painful.

When making the decision to have one, it’s wise to have a high threshold for pain, or you will have some unfinished pattern on you for the rest of your life, which will cause you a lot of embarrassment for days.

In parting, for those of you who have tattoos, please stop thinking just because you withstood that pain, you are some sort of Hulk or Amazonian.

Withstanding physical pain does not spell that you grow better brains; once a donkey-hole, always one, no amount of ink will change you.

Oh and by the way, it is rude to touch someone’s tattoo without permission…if it’s new, you are getting germs on it, I am following the after-care carefully to avoid infection, so get your grubby hands off my ink.

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